April 9, 2013 by Kira Lyn Blue
So, your spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend has decided to be a writer? Congratulations and welcome to Hell, <cough> I mean… the glorious opportunity to love and support a creative genius while they work to achieve their dreams of seeing a book in print. You are a lucky man/woman, because not everyone is afforded a chance to live with one of these mercurial, er… whimsical creatures.
6 Things You Should Know about Your Writer:
1) Writers are Territorial– Do not invade the writer’s space while they are working. Doing so can invite bodily harm. Threat index will be significantly elevated if they’re in the middle of revisions or struggling with a certain scene.
2) Bring Offerings– If you must invade your space writer’s space, bring a fresh cup of coffee or a snack. Such concern for their well-being will remind the writer that you’re there for support and they can’t lob pens at your head if their hands are busy accepting your generous gift.
3) Avoid the Zone-Out– Just because the writer is not typing does not mean the writer is safe to approach. Spending long periods of time staring at a blinking cursor is normal behavior and indicates the writer is deep in thought. Threat index will vary depending on how good of a writing day the writer is having, so best not to risk interruption. Unless you bring offerings.
4) When Asked to Review Your Writer’s Work: Run: This is a trap. There is no way you can win. If you tell your writer it’s fantastically perfect, they will believe you’re merely telling them what they want to hear, not being honest. If you provide honest critique, you will upset your writer with the truth. Either action on your part may result with you being written in as a villain in their story, being treated to weeks of silent treatment coupled with looks of loathing, and being exiled to sleep on the couch.
5) Keep a Spray Bottle Handy– Writers can be distractible and end up Facebooking, looking at funny cat pictures on the interwebs, or answering emails when they’re supposed to be writing. Should you catch your writer exhibiting this behavior, give them a squirt. This negative reinforcement should be as effective for your writer as it is at keeping cats off counters. See also: Body Armor.
6) Prepare to be Ignored– It’s not your imagination, your writer is not paying attention to anything you say. Writers will drift off in the middle of conversations having thought of something to do with their book and you cannot bring them back. They are literally in their own little world. Advice: quietly wander off. Your writer will return to planet Earth once they’ve worked through whatever thought they had and then feel really crappy for ignoring you. You might even get an apology, after they’ve told you all about their fabulous new idea.